| Title: The Adventures of Snape and Mr. Nancy
Chapter: One
Word count: 2065
Rating: PG?
Summary: Snape and Mr. Nancy meet. Assumptions are made, realizations are had.
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"Sign there, please.” The stodgy woman instructed monotonously. “First read section 22a on the responsibilities demanded of a guardian, then follow up with the ‘Abuse and Neglect’ section on page 37.” Her smudged glasses sat low on her nose, framing an unflatteringly plump and sagging face.
Severus Snape scowled, eyeing both overseer and infantile muggle pen with distain. “Why must I go through all this nonsense?” He asked sharply. “Your office intruded on my life with this whole debacle. It is my understanding that I’m the only representative willing to take the monster, so it defies logic why you’re making it so difficult!”
“It’s just mandatory paperwork, sir.” His notary explained drolly, using a pair of fingernail clippers on her nose hairs. “If you’ve changed your mind about taking the boy, that’s your choice. We’ll try to notify another relative.”
“Another relative.” He scowled. “If there was another relative, why on Earth am I here?” His shoulders itched in his infernal muggle clothing, none of these imbecilic bipods knew a proper cup of tea from their bloody elbow, and what in the world was this ‘pen’ they were trying to pass off as some reliable writing device? It started fading three signatures ago!
“Well, we did speak to Miss Collier’s immediate family first, but due to financial constraints and moral complications, we did not feel either environment was appropriate for a child in his state.” Edith Norwood, so named by the plaque on her desk, recited, carefully leaving any possibly useful information out of her explanation completely. “The loss of a parent – Excuse me,” She yawned loudly. “is a traumatic experience for any child.”
“In other words, because this spawn you claim to be mine is such a hellion, no one else in this godforsaken country will take him!” Severus seethed, slamming his hands on the cluttered desk as he stood. “I am not to be taken for a fool, Mrs. Norwood, and I would appreciate it if your bungling excuse for a legal system would at least try to present a reasonable case.”
“Now, now, Severus.” He flinched, momentarily forgetting the fleshy bag of good intentions that hauled him over miles of oceans to sit in this dingy tattered office. Dumbledore smiled vaguely and pat his arm. “It’s quite alright, my boy. I’m sure everyone understands how stressful this whole unfortunate situation is, but we’ll manage quite well, I think, if we hold our tempers in check.” He nodded at the papers. “Why don’t you finish those up and we’ll take young Mr. Collier out to lunch. I’ve always wanted to try America’s famous ‘Mac Donald’.”
Snape scowled harder, resisting the urge to hiss in his employer’s general direction. He was being appeased for Merlin’s sake, like a sulky child! Why, he was this close to knocking those ridiculous bottle cap glasses clean off the man’s face and rearranging his yellow slicker into some semblance of respectable wizarding wear. It was humiliating, prancing around in mismatched ensembles. Still, he gave in to the man’s eternal twinkle and sat, stalking silently through the papers.
Half an hour and three pieces of sugar-free gum later, Mrs. Norwood was lazily flipping through the finished forms and sighing uninspiringly to herself. “Well, it all looks to be in order, Mr. Snape.” She said unreassuringly. “But I hope you know that until these forms are processed and the agency is sure you’re capable of raising him, you won’t be leaving the country with your son.”
Severus pursed his lips viciously and finally admitted he was developing a twitch. Luckily, just as he opened his mouth to rake the senseless woman over the proverbial coals – though if he had to listen to her idiocy much longer, they would become quite literal – Albus cut in with his even reasoning. “Of course, Edith, we understand.” He stood, groaning loudly about age and stiff joint. “Now, surely we can meet the lad. I do say I’m terribly excited. He likes candy, yes?”
Mrs. Norwood nodded and slowly joined Dumbledore on her feet and waddled to the door. Severus sneered, but diligently restrained himself from commenting on her hideous vinyl clogs and stained skirt. Was that a chocolate bar stuck to her left cheek. He shuddered and looked away, following the pair down the hall to the children’s recreation room. The two swapped simple pleasantries on the way ‘Yes he likes candy. No, he doesn’t come with a blender. Why, the nearest McDonalds is just around the corner.’ Severus merely kept to himself and suffered silently.
Finally, Mrs. Norwood unlocked the door to a bright and chaotic epicenter of boundless energy. Snape’s eyes went wide in horror at the thought of this magnitude of destructive force anywhere near his potions. First years were bad enough, but this? There were shoes strewn every which way, foam pads with numbers and layers locked together across the floor, and a particularly rowdy blond was tackling another keening boy to the floor – Were those teeth? He sighed. By Merlin, this was hell.
He glanced around the room, desperately hoping to find his spawn and escape his worst nightmare come to life. Children, everywhere, barely contained and out of control. People wondered why he had such strict rules in his classroom. Next time they asked, he’d show them this. Then, a child caught his eyes. There, in the corner, was a dark haired boy, dedicatedly immersed in a large tome. He was pale, quiet, and obviously the playroom pariah.
He was a Snape.
“Mr. Snape.” He wished the boy would turn around so Severus could get a clear look at his face. Those long fingers held such unbidden promise and suddenly, Snape couldn’t help the hope lodged in his throat. Perhaps this wasn’t such a terrible ordeal, after all. “Mr. Snape!”
He jumped in surprise as Mrs. Norwood called his name a second time. With a glare, he turned around and frowned. She pushed a boy toward him, the same rambunctious blond he’d seen before, wearing a pair of jeans and an oversized green excuse for a shirt made of mesh and decorated with a large white four on his chest. Severus quirked an eyebrow. “Yes?”
Mrs. Norwood huffed. “This is your son, Mr. Snape.” She set her hand on the little boy’s shoulder. “Nancy, I’d like you to meet your father.”
There was sort of mistake! His head screamed. This was impossible. There was no possible way he was related to that gaudy hobgoblin, no matter how drunk he may or may not have been during conception. Not to mention – His eyes narrowed. “Nancy?” Obviously a mistake. “That can not possibly be his name.”
While Snape never would have considered the idea seriously before, the disapproving look bother Albus and Edith leveled at him convinced him that somewhere, some dreadful woman really did name her son Nancy. That, of course, did not mean he was Severus’s problem.
“Why don’t we finish all the details in the hall?” Albus spoke up, setting a firm hand on Severus’s arm, leading the group away from the distracting jungle of toys and screams.
Outside, he noted, the little boy didn’t speak at all. In fact he wouldn’t look in Snape’s direction. Sensitive about his name, perhaps? No matter, his wounded pride was of little concern. Nancy would either point out Norwood’s mistake, or learn proper manners.
Edith pushed Nancy on the bench by the door and began rattling off information. “Case number 44319, Nancy Taylor Collier, male, born June 11, 2001, to a Rachel M. Collier, absent father was named Severus Snape, later confirmed through paternity tests and expanded to Severus T. Snape. Five years old, 39 inches, 69 lbs – Both low-average for development. Has all his shots, a history of broken bones though none are considered suspicious for abuse, recently recovered from the chickenpox, is allergic to shellfish, and has been diagnosed with dyslexia. A more detailed medical history will be mailed to you immediately.” She swept her eyes from one man to the other. “I’ve had his things collected for you and they’re waiting at the front desk. If there is any trouble, you can contact us immediately. You know how to reach me.”
Severus felt a sneer coming on and it would have punctuated his distain for her robotic monologue nicely, except he’d been doing so already. Yes, they knew exactly how to reach her – Find the closest feeding trough and lace it with heart-stopping sugar confections. She and Albus were frighteningly similar in the worst of ways.
He glanced at the silent boy sitting on the bench. If nothing else, Edith did seem sure of herself over his identity. It was hard to believe, but somehow his get managed to be the epitome of normal. Severus set his lips firmly, eyeing the stubborn stance in which the boy sat; arms firmly wrapped around his chest and eyes pointedly staring at the floor. How bloody wonderful.
“Come here.” He commanded sharply, pointing to the floor directly in front of him. Nancy glanced up insolently and ignored him. Snape glared and hissed. “Come here, now.”
The boy shifted uncomfortably, grasping at his mesh shirt. He stayed put a moment longer, but after flashing his eyes towards his new father for a fleeting moment, he huffed and slid to the floor. He walked to the designated inspection point and hung his head.
Severus fought the urge to issue a useless detention and took a fortifying breath before snatching the child’s chin and forcing his face upwards. He was an attractive child, with a sweet face, clear skin, and brown eyes. It took him a moment to realize those doe dark eyes were familiar. Somehow, his own fearsome black eyes had found a place atop cherubic cheeks and warmed their way into a comfortable shade next to short golden blond hair. It was remarkable and finally presented Severus with proof he couldn’t deny. This boy was his son.
Severus sighed in resignation and let the boy go. “I suppose that’s that, then.” He turned to Dumbledore. “If you please?”
“Ah, yes!” Albus grinned, winking down at their new addition. “I suppose we must tie up loose ends.” He stood up straighter and brushed off his rubber raincoat. Then, he reached a wizen hand into his pocket and pulled out a long stick. “If you’ll look at me, Mrs. Norwood.” He barely waited for her dim eyes to follow him before muttering a quiet. “Obliviate!” Sparks drifted from his wand and swirl round her head before finally disappearing inside, leaving Mrs. Norwood slack-jawed and blank.
Snape nodded. It was best not to leave anyone asking questions about a missing muggle boy. It would hardly go over well with the ministry, if anyone were to find out. “Shall we?” He asked, waving down the deserted hall. He spared a glance at Nancy, noting the wide eyed shock and steeled himself for a tedious round of questions later. It was the quick work of minutes to collect their things from the front desk and disappear in the alley around the corner. Severus set the armful of Nancy’s personal belongings on the ground, motioning for Albus to shrink them so he could slip them in his pocket. Leaving his wand behind, however necessary, was quickly becoming an imposition.
“Are we ready?” Dumbledore asked happily, smiling as he pulled a handkerchief covered portkey out of another anonymous pocket. Severus sniffed derisively, knowing what sat inside. If Albus ever chose to used a chewed piece of gum as an enchanted object ever again, he could ferry across the world by himself.
Snape was surprised to hear a nervous cough come from his side. “Um…” Nancy bit his lip and shimmied nervously, sticking his hands in his pockets.
“Oh, my dear boy.” Albus grinned, bending down to meet the inquisitive child eye to eye. “I’m sure you have plenty of questions to be asked.”
Again, the boy surprised him. Nancy shook his head. “Not really.”
“Oh?” The old man’s eyes twinkled. He leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially. “Do you know what I am?”
The blond head bobbed furiously. “Yeah!” He grinned. The two men exchanged a surprised and relieved look. There was no record of the boy ever meeting another wizard, but whatever the case, knowing would make things much easier on them all.
“You’re a Jedi!” |
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